Overwhelmed

To say the least. My life is kind of up in the air. I have some decisions to make. Well one decision mainly but, the repercussions of the decision make it seem like there is more than one. That decision is to return to subbing or continue on at my job. I've made a mental pro and con list. It's a really difficult decision to say the least. Here is why it's so difficult. Right now at my job I have steady income. For some that might be the say all end all. But, for me, the down side of my job weight heavily on wanting to return to subbing.

Down sides of staying at the center are: off at 6 Monday through Friday. Start at 9 Monday through Friday, thus giving me 9 hour days. Yes, I do get an hour lunch but, it's not that same as the sub schedule of working 8:30 to 3:30. Getting off at 6 is really hard for me. Lily's bed time is 8 o'clock. It was 7:30 but we moved it up so I could get in a bit more time with her. Even though Lily is at the center I work at, I still hardly see her. I see her in passing which just upsets her. I take her out during my lunch hour but, what we do is very limited. That's about it. I can't do all of the evening things I did as a sub. Getting off at 3:30 gives me 2 and 1/2 hours of extra time to spend with Lily and doing things around my house. I make the same amount they pay the management so, there isn't much room for growth as far as my paycheck goes. Plus, the owners and the director all smoke which I don't agree with if you are going to be care takers of children and role models to them. In the new building that my work is moving to there is a separate building for children birth to potty trained. My daughter's class is right in the center or the room. It is in between the babies and the toddlers. Needless to say she won't get any sleep during nap time. Also, she has direct access to the front door and I had a nightmare before I started this job that she ran outside and got ran over and died. It was the worst nightmare I have ever had. I woke up terrified and was so nervous to start the job. Aside from that my weight loss has slowly plummeted since I started there on June 1st. I've been making bad eating decision while there and it's been really hard to get over it. I'm sure it's a combination between being around all the food and the amount of stress I've had in my life since June 1st. Which is another thing...Lily has been so sick since we started there. She was hospitalized because of being sick from that place. I've been sick and then gave it to Adam who in the history of me knowing him has never been sick with a cold. So, that says something. My child was bit by another child which about set me over the edge. I even sprained my wrist a few weeks ago on the job tripping over a kid.

Plus sides of keeping my job: I mentioned before steady income. I know exactly the amount I would make every month. I know there would be pay checks coming and there is peace in that. Lily gets to be in the same location I am in while I am making money. I've built relationships with my kids and their parents. Some of them had some pretty major behavior issues when I first started and because of some plans I have put into play they are doing much, much better and their parents are so thankful. A lot of my parents would be sad to have me go so soon.

Plus side to subbing: I have a lot more time for taking care of my home. I will be able to return to menu planning, my chore schedule, my arts and crafts time, my yard, etc. I will be back in the classroom making connections and building relationships with people that may one day want to hire me. At least that is the hope. I am scared that being in pre-school will cause me to forfeit any chance of getting hired in the elementary schools. Subbing will be more compatible with going to night school to get my masters if/when I choose to do that. I will have winter break and spring break ahead of me. Ideally it would be nice to get hired on some where that way I could enjoy my summer off but, at this point in time I will be glad to just have winter break and spring break.

I think that might be it. There is a lot to think about. In the mean time, I have been filling out application after application to try and get hired to sub at all the area schools. I subbed for the main district in my area and stayed pretty busy. However, I feel like I need to be hired on to sub at as many districts as I can to get my foot in the door at other places and guarantee myself more work.

This is the reason for my blogging absence. Subbing will also allow me more time to blog. If anyone has any good insight on the decision...I'm all ears.